The many (unhelpful) ways we use food

Vegetable peelingsIf you’re an emotional eater, like me,
you may have noticed that you use food for reasons other than nourishment.

I’m five years into my recovery from emotional eating, thanks to coaching,
and I’m still learning about all the games I play around food.
I’ve (largely) stopped using eating as comfort, company, distraction, sedative and anesthetic.
But this week, I discovered that I use cooking to procrastinate and distract myself.

I had lunch with a supersmart friend this week.
She told me she’s been cooking a limited number of foods very simply for the past year.
This has freed both her time and her mind enormously.
I perked up, because I’m always looking to create more time in my day.
When I told her I prepare multiple meals from scratch every day,
She asked me “What does all that cooking do for you?”.
“I love it”, I told her.
“I like nourishing my family with high quality fuel foods.”
“I’m a foodie.”

She let it drop (realizing that I was in hopeless denial – told you she was smart),
and the conversation wandered to different topics.

But the rest of the week, her question kept popping into my head.
As I was cooking instead of…
tidying my house, marketing my business, sending difficult emails, cleaning the kitchen, writing copy for my new website (superexcited – to be launched in April!!), folding laundry, having difficult conversations, sitting down at my desk, helping my kids with homework…

Wow.

I use cooking to procrastinate.

I used to eat to procrastinate.
I’d feel overwhelmed, and, instead of working through my To Do list, I would work my way through the pantry.
That’s a rare occurrence now.
I find that, once an unconscious pattern is made conscious,
as long as I remain mindful, I notice the urge and can choose to lovingly redirect myself.

But this one. I did not see it coming.
Cooking is such a legitimate way to spend your time right?
And it is, if that’s what you truly want to be doing.
But if I truly want to be doing all the other stuff I’m not doing because I’m cooking,
that’s when it becomes unhelpful.

It got me thinking about all they millions of ways we ‘foodies’ use food.
Yes, food tastes amazing.
Yes, transforming raw ingredients into a dish is thrilling.
And yes, sometimes it’s just about that.

But when doing the activity doesn’t feel peaceful,
then it’s really worth asking yourself:
“What is this doing for me (that it was not designed to do)?”

Be curious.
Don’t try to force the answer – your mind will trick you.
Just let the question be there, and be open to the answer, which may be quiet and soft.
When you find it, don’t try to change it.
Don’t criticize yourself for it.
Let that be exactly what it is.
Open yourself to the understanding.
And see what happens.

When an unconscious habit become conscious, 
change often happens organically. 

I’m noticing that I’ve streamlined my meals and my food prep these past few days.
Not because I told myself to,
but because I don’t want to be a procrastinator.
I want to be a person who gets it done.
I’m still preparing our meals from scratch,
but I’m offering less options.
And  everyone is finding something to satisfy them.
Or they’re finding something else in the kitchen that has nothing to do with me.

Cleanup is simpler.
Shopping is simpler.
I’m moving into those things I want to do that scare me a bit.

All because of one magical question, softly asked “What does this do for you?”

If you want help exploring this question,  email me to set up a free mini laser focused coaching session!

Posted in emotional eating, weight loss | Tagged , , , , , ,

Burgers don’t make you fat. Overeating makes you fat.

10922357_10152626433857455_9055204819038075501_oI had lunch in heaven last week.
Four Seasons Santa Barbara – outdoor patio table, facing the ocean,
a beloved friend and colleague on either side of me.
As Karen was telling us that she’s losing weight,
the server brought our orders.

Hers was a burger and fries.
“Well I still eat burgers” she said apologetically.
As if her lunch order made her a liar.

“Burgers don’t make you fat” I told her.

“Overeating makes you fat”.

Here’s what I mean.
If you eat only according to your body’s hunger signals,
and you eat a burger and fries, you won’t eat again for many hours,
because you won’t get hungry again.
A burger and fries is a  very filling meal,
that takes a long time to pass through your digestive system.
Whereas if you eat a salad, like I did,
you’ll be ready to eat again in 2 hours, like I was.
So I ate a protein bar,
and then a banana and yogurt a couple of hours after that.

I don’t count calories,
but I’m guessing that if we added up all the calories from my day’s eating,
and Karen’s burger and fries,
we’d be pretty equal.

Of course, the nutritional benefits of our food will be quite different,
but I find that, when we allow ourselves to eat whatever we want, we choose nutritional food often enough to balance out our  burgers and fries.

Karen was quite relieved to hear this
because this woman really loves her burgers!!
My hunch is that if she tried to lose weight using a regime that told her she couldn’t eat burgers anymore, she would last as long as her next lunch date.

So stop telling yourself that you have to eliminate food you love in order to lose weight.

Here’s all you have to do –  pay close attention when you’re eating:
1. Make sure your body wants food i.e. are you physically hungry?
2. Make sure what you’re eating is really what you want to eat i.e. are you going to truly enjoy it?
3. Make sure you stop eating when your body is satisfied i.e. is your stomach feeling about 3/4 full?
4. Don’t eat again until you are physically hungry again i.e. back to step 1.

Follow these four  steps, and you’ll lose weight eating whatever you want.
This is a skill that many of us  lost as we dieted and binged our way through our teens and adulthood. I encourage you to try this out, starting right now (no need to quickly eat everything you love before you start, because you can eat whatever you want anytime). If you have any difficulty with any step,  email me to set up a free mini laser focused coaching session!

Posted in weight loss | Tagged , , ,

Do you eat because you’re bored?

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I’m on a five hour train ride from San Diego to Santa Barbara.
OMG it’s so spectacular – so far the entire route has been on the ocean.
I’m watching bikers, runners, surfers enjoying this stunning day.
But all I can do is sit.
Sure I can read, work, talk, wander the aisles, stretch, and try to sleep.
But mostly I’m sitting here.
When I really want to be outside enjoying this stunning day.
I’m getting bored of sitting.

And I’m thinking about all the delicious yummies my sister-in-law gave me for the ride.
Synergy chia kombucha, a new bar called Perfect that I’m really interested in, and some fruit.
They’re just sitting here next to me.
I want to say they’re calling my name but I know that’s not true.

We say that kind of stuff all the time,
But we know food can’t talk huh?

Anyway, more accurately, I’m kind of calling to the food.
Thinking about what I should have,
What I’m in the mood for,
Which will taste best to me.

With all this thinking, it would be easy to not notice that I’m not hungry yet.
I ate some delicious Trader Joe’s yogurt before I left
(Oh Trader Joes WHEN are you coming to Toronto?)
And it’s keeping me satisfied for a lot longer than I expected.

I make a habit of only eating when I’m physically hungry.
It’s the best weight loss/maintenance strategy I know.
And it requires me to recognize the difference between physical and emotional hunger.
When I first started, this was challenging.
It was a new skill I had to acquire.

But now, I know the difference.
And sometimes, I want to pretend I don’t.
I want to pretend I’m hungry so I can try this new Cranberry Crunch bar now.

But more than that,
I want to honour my body.
To treat it well.
Pay attention to what it’s telling me.
I find I function best when I do.

So I tell myself the truth.
And I let myself be a bit bored and disgruntled.
And I let the Cranberry Crunch bar sit next to me until I’m hungry.

I know I’ll enjoy it much more when I am.

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Do you want to learn how to tell the difference between emotional and physical hunger?
Its essential if you want to lose weight
permanently without dieting.
I’ll teach you –  email me to schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me.

Posted in weight loss | Tagged , , ,

Do you blame your size for how you feel?

Feet on bathroom scale with scared cute face on dialI’m speaking at a business event next week.
I weigh 5 pounds more than my favourite weight.
The weight I feel most comfortable in my own skin.
I call it my natural weight – the size I feel like I was born to be.

Last night, I let my mind indulge in some outdated thinking.

I started to worry about getting up on the stage.
I considered various crazy options to lose 5 pounds in one week.
I wondered which clothes would make me look 5 pounds thinner.
Believe it or not, all this craycray in my head,
and my talk has nothing to do with weight loss or being thin!

Luckily, I know how to coach myself.

I started to laugh at myself
(we laugh a lot in coaching – all the crazy stuff we believe).
Confidence has nothing to do with what we weigh.
Confidence is a feeling.
Feelings are always a result of what we are thinking at the time.
The number on my scale is not a thought.
Therefore, that number has no relation to how confident I feel.

I hear your protests – stay with me for a moment.

Let’s say you step on the scale.
You’re feeling pretty snazzy that day.
Thinking about that boob tube top and some skinnies to swagger around town in.
The scale reads 5 pounds higher than you expected.
All your confidence deflates.
Yes, I get it. Been there
(well, I haven’t been in a boob tube for about 30 years!)
(oops. My daughters tell me they’re called bandeaus these days. OK you get my point).

Here’s what I’m here to tell you.
You only felt deflated because you had a thought the minute you saw that dreaded number.
Something like “OMG you’re so fat” or “ugh don’t you dare display your body today”.
THEN, as a result of this mean talk, your confidence squizzled.

Let’s say, instead, you told yourself “yep. that’s my friend the scale. very fickle. goes up and down like that sometimes. I’m still me, still snazzy, still perfect”
or “of course, last night’s sushi always results in a higher number on the scale”
or even “uh huh. that’s what happens when I eat mindlessly for a week. still me. still worthy.”
You can see how this thinking, while totally acknowledging your reality, would have no effect on your confidence, right?

So when I reminded myself of this, I suddenly remembered that
I was asked to speak because I have something valuable to share,
not because I weighed 140 pounds!
Immediately, my body relaxed, relief set in,
and I started feeling… confident.
Of course.
I have absolute faith in what I’m going to share at the meeting.

I’m not saying that weight is irrelevant.
I love being 5 pounds thinner – I’m more comfortable in my clothes, I think I look better, and exercising is easier.
I’m just saying that none of that has any effect on my confidence,
or any other emotion, until I have a thought about it.

And the good news is, you can choose your thoughts any time.
All it takes is becoming aware of how you’re feeling
And what you’re telling yourself that’s causing that feeling.

This is my work.
It’s what I teach women to do.
If you suspect that your thinking is causing you negative emotions,
And you want to learn how to take charge of your mind,
I’d love to coach you – email me and let’s talk.

Posted in bored, weight | Tagged , , , ,

Are you holding yourself back with your mind?

Caged mind inside a head silhouetteWe had a holiday this Monday – Family Day – (great opportunity to sleep in, hang with my crazy gang, and skip school lunches!).

The next day I mistakenly arrived for my regular Monday 10.00am Moksha yoga class.
But it wasn’t my usual Moksha crowd in the studio.
They looked young and looked supremely athletic, and the woman next to me confirmed my fear – it was a Power Flow class (Tuesday schedule. Of course).

It’s not that I haven’t done Power Flow classes – I used to do them all the time.
But since I lost my beloved mother ten months ago, I’ve been very gentle with myself.
My movement has been slower – mostly distance walking –
and I wasn’t prepared for moving in this frigid weather.

About 2 months ago, I decided to resume my daily workouts,
but I told myself that I can’t do strenuous exercise yet.

And I believed myself.

I was yearning for hot yoga, so I limited myself to the entry level classes,
even though I was becoming quite bored with them.

Sitting in my Power Flow class on Tuesday, I had a momentary panic,
as these classes are intense and demanding.
I decided to stay and follow the teacher’s advice that
“as long as you’re breathing, you’re practicing yoga”.

I reminded myself of a thought I used when I was just starting to exercise:
“I can do anything for one hour”,
although I didn’t really  believe it this time, and this was a 75 minute class!

All that drama in my head.

Unnecessary.

I flowed, I planked, balanced, head stood, sweated like crazy,
And I was surprised when it was already time for final relaxation.

And

I rediscovered the exhilaration that follows a workout where you push yourself beyond what your mind says you can do.

Pure joy.

I’ve been depriving myself of that exhilaration for a year, simply because I believed my own lie.

The only thing holding me back from this joy was my mind.

Do you think you may be holding yourself back from exhilaration?
Please don’t.
Let me help you find it.
Let’s meet on the phone this Wednesday at 1pm EDT to talk about it OK?
I’m going to teach to you what I’ve learned about the best way to become a regular exerciser, and how we’ll delve into all of it during my 4 week class, and you can ask me anything you like, about exercise or anything else that’s on your mind.

Deal?  Click here to sign up for the free call.
Can’t make Wednesday at 1pm EDT? Sign up anyway and I’ll send you a recording.
Have a question? Send it in advance and I’ll answer it.
As you know, when I give a free class, I give you tons of information that you can apply immediately, and I want to connect with you there whether you want to do my 4 week class on becoming a regular exerciser or not!

Posted in exercise | Tagged , ,

This winter is the perfect time to become a regular exerciser

fly jump man. winter.Exercise is on my mind.
I’m talking movement on purpose this snowy cold winter.
I used to hibernate, clothed in multiple stretchy layers,
telling myself it was too cold to move,
and then panic in spring when I finally delayered,
to discover that my muscles had turned to mush
and none of my clothes fit?

I’m here to tell you that winter is a perfect time to become a regular exerciser.

Here’s why: EVERYTHING feels better when you’re fit and strong.

Seriously, I can’t think of a single thing that doesn’t, can you?
If you don’t even know what I’m talking about
because you’ve never felt fit and strong,
I have some great advice for you from personal trainer extraordinaire, Josh Flax,
who changed his body and his life direction when he discovered basketball.
Josh travels around the Toronto area helping his clients develop their very best bodies – he’s young, he’s creative, he’s knowledgable, and (bonus) he’s really cute!

I love Tip 6 where he advises us to “Treat your workout as an appointment to better yourself.” Seriously. I love this guy. Do it. Make an appointment with yourself to be the best you you can be. Or, if you live in Toronto, make an appointment with Josh to help you!!

And Tip 10 – “Be Proud”. Yes. I’m forever telling my clients and students to give themselves a “well done” hug! I can’t think of any disadvantage to choosing to be proud of ourselves. For ourselves. All by ourselves.

Read below for more of Josh’s tips, and let me know which one you loved the most.

And if you’re ready to dump all your excuses, excuse-busting is what I do (with lots of love and humour). Sign up for my phone class to join the regular exercisers/self-betterers of the world in just four weeks! We start Wed Feb 25 at noonEST/ 9.00PST! Click here to get the details!

10 TIPS FOR STARTING AND MAINTAINING AN EXERCISE PROGRAM by Josh Flax

When it comes time to initiate an exercise program there’s always an excuse. Here are some tips to help you start and maintain your exercise program:

  1. SET REALISTIC GOALS – Start small and regularly update your goals to continue to challenge yourself and achieve your milestones.  For example, set a goal to complete 20 minutes of weight training 3 times per week. As you gain confidence in your workout program, try increasing to 30-minute workout sessions.
  2. START SLOWLY AND INCREASE ACTIVITY LEVELS GRADUALLY – People often make the mistake of trying to do too much too soon. This increases muscle soreness, which can intimidate some into giving up. Listen to your body to give yourself an increased chance for success.
  3. HAVE A WORKOUT BUDDY- This can make all the difference when it comes to enjoying your workout session and maintaining motivation. It allows you to compete, converse, and share experiences with another person.
  4. MAKE DAILY ROUTINES – If you eat at the same times everyday and go to sleep at around the same time every night, it’s easier to set new routines for yourself, such as designating times in the week to work out.
  5. EAT RIGHT – Eat healthy portions and foods when you are trying to maintain an exercise program is so important, because if you restrict your calories too much, you may slow your metabolism. Give yourself a good reason to continue exercising by eating proper portions and nutrients.
  6. MAKE APPOINTMENTS – Put your workouts into your weekly schedule. Treat your workout as an appointment to better yourself. You wouldn’t cancel an appointment with someone else so why would you cancel an appointment for you?
  7. MIX IT UP – Keep your exercise varied and fresh to maintain enjoyment levels and keep it fun. Try sports, biking, swimming, walking, etc.
  8. UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN ENERGY LEVELS – People tend to have a time of the day when they are most energized. Whether you are a morning person or an evening person, find your ideal exercise time, and you’ll increase your comfort level and mastery within an exercise session.
  9. BE PATIENT AND PERSISTENT – Healthy adaptations happen gradually. There’ll be times when it will feel like you’re not getting anywhere with your goals. Stay with it and maintain momentum throughout these times.  Improvement takes persistence.
  10. BE PROUD – Maintaining a workout program takes hard work. Be proud of your achievements as you continue to improve yourself and don’t let others bring you down. Be strong and proud of everything you continue to work for.
Posted in exercise | Tagged , ,

You get what you work for.


FullSizeRender-5My youngest daughter is an excellent gymnast.
I can’t remember a time when she didn’t spend almost every spare moment practicing and perfecting her skills and routines.

She is completely self-motivated.
Determinedly persistent.
Inspiringly thrilling to watch.

She does not get this from me.

People comment on how talented she is all the time.
I suppose she must possess some innate talent.
But this kids’ accomplishments are a result of thousands of hours of repetition, review and more repetition and review.

When she was eight, she wanted to master a pressed handstand.
She found a tutorial on youtube, and followed it daily for over a year.
No one even knew about this until she asked me to spot her.
She’s still working it, and she’s almost got it.
Three years on one move.
And in the process, she’s mastered many other difficult moves.

When she’s not practicing gymnastics, she often hangs out with her mama.
We bake, snuggle, read, talk nonstop, and get active together.
It’s always purposeful for her.
When we jog, she gives me tips to improve my stride.
When we swim laps she teaches me how to get more power in my stroke.
I don’t even know where she learns it from – but I do know that she takes every suggestion from any coach seriously.
And then she passes it on to me 🙂

A week ago, I invited her to do abs with me every night.
She of course is way ahead of me, with her rock hard little body, so she gets to be the coach.
After 3 of our proposed 5 sets I was dying.
I thought it was perfectly acceptable to stop at 3 on the first night and build up slowly.
(Like I said, she doesn’t get her determination from me)
Not my Eden.
“Get up”, she said flatly.
“You don’t get what you wish for.
You get what you work for.”

Seriously.

This from a ten year old.

Her room is filled with motivational sayings like this – all over her walls and even on her ceilings.

She finds them or she makes them up.

I thought about how so many adults talk about how one day we’ll get in shape.
We dream about it, plan for it, visualize it.
Wish for it.

And we don’t get it.

My ten year old knows that the only way we’re going to get in shape is if we get up from the dreamy couch and get onto our mat/treadmill/bike/weights and work to get in shape.

Law of Attraction aside,
my baby is here to tell you that, at least when it comes to our bodies,
(and maybe many more other things than I care to admit)
You don’t get what you wish for.
You get what you work for.

I’ve had a few queries about my upcoming class on becoming a regular exerciser.
I’m still planning the details, so if you have a specific time or day that works best for you, let me know and I’ll do my best to make it happen for you.
It’s going to be 4 weeks and will cost $99.
If you’re ready to work for it, this is the class for you.

Posted in exercise, motivation | Tagged , ,

You can become a regular exerciser – easily.

IMG_0626I almost knocked a woman over today.
I was rushing out of my kids’ school on my way to yoga.
Just dropped lunch off (yep. again)
and I had twenty minutes before they close the door.

“Sorry!” I yelled behind me “rushing to yoga”
“Wow that’s amazing” she said admiringly.
And I took a moment to agree with her.
It is truly amazing that I am now that woman –
The one who lets nothing get in the way of her and her workout.
The one who uses her workout to relieve stress
The one who exercises to deal with grief and loss and heartache.

I wasn’t always this way.
Six years ago, I had never had a consistent workout practice that lasted more than a few months.
I just believed that I wasn’t born athletic or active,
And I was quite fascinated by people who were.

I discovered, through coaching, that it’s entirely possible to become one of those woman.
Here’s how – you find ways to think about exercise that make you want to do it.
No statistics or scare tactics for me – they don’t work –
I just don’t believe I’m average 🙂
No “shoulds” either – my inner rebel simply stomps and says “try make me”.

For me, I need a reason to say “hell yes” -and then you can’t stop me.

It was all about my mind.

Even though exercise is good for your body,
(and I can tell you firsthand that everything feels better with exercise),
Your mind determines what, how much, and when you do what you do.
So the way to become a regular exerciser is to get your mind onside,
By finding a way to think about exercise that excites and inspires you.

For me, I loved the idea of being a woman who takes extremely good care of herself.
Once I decided that regular exercise was included in that definition,
it became natural and effortless to include it in my day.

Over time, I became a woman who takes extremely good care of herself
AND a woman who exercises regularly.

In my weight loss coaching practice,
I’ve helped countless women change their minds about exercise
so that it effortlessly and joyfully becomes a regular practice for them.

If you want to become a regular exerciser,
and you want to figure out what’s stopping you
(hint – it’s all in your mind – if my klutzy body wasn’t stopping you, yours isn’t either)
watch out for my upcoming class — info to follow soon!

Posted in Bev Aron, exercise | Tagged ,

You’ll feel so much better if you expect to be the size you are.

IMG_2777-1You know how it goes – you go shopping and you’re surprised that you’re a size 16
Even though you’ve been a size 16 for the past year.
Or you pass a mirror and you’re shocked at the bulge around your stomach
Even though it’s been there for the past 3 years.

Each time you expect to be smaller than you are,
Even though you know that you’re not,
You experience some level of distress when confronted with your real size.

This doesn’t feel good.
And it’s not helpful to your desire to lose weight.
Because when you don’t feel good
You’re more likely to (over)eat mindlessly,
Thereby adding an extra bulge or even bigger size.

Here’s a non-weight related example:
I recently renovated my master bathroom.
It’s really stunning, and includes everything I wanted:
mold-free walls, freestanding bathtub big enough for two, wall sconce for bubble-bathtime reading (yummmmmm), plank tiles, and river-rock for the shower floor.

Problem is, our contractor decided that he would tile the floors himself
And I agreed to this, even though his quote included a professional tiler.
In case you’re wondering – not a good idea.
My beautiful long Italian plank tiles are completely uneven.
You can actually see where one tile is noticeably higher than the one next to it.
You can imagine what this feels like when you walk barefoot.
Uneven. Quite uneven.

So, for the past month, all I see when I walk into my bathroom is the uneven floor.
I try to lift my eyes and see all the beauty – exactly what I dreamed of for ten years.
This bathroom was a gift from my mother, who I lost nine months ago,
So I’m not taking my discontent lightly.
I want to find grace here, so I can find my mother’s spirit in this room.
This means I need find serenity for myself.
Which won’t happen when I expect my floor to be even
And then discover, every morning, that it isn’t.

I was showering this morning
And thinking how much I love my river rock floor,
And how the rocks remind me of nature.

And I found it.

My shower floor is totally uneven!
On purpose!
Chosen specifically for it’s organic variations.
It feels a bit like a foot massage.
And I love it!

So here’s what I learned in the shower this morning:
I expect my shower floor to be uneven
So I experience no distress when it is.
I expect my bathroom floor to be uneven
So I’m disgruntled every time it isn’t.

All I need to do is expect my floor to be uneven
And when I find that it is,
I will feel neutral.
I’m hoping that I’ll look up from the floor to find the serenity that I intended
And my mother’s spirit shining with me.

I’m not saying I want it to be uneven,
And I’m not saying you want to be a size 16, or bulgy.
I’m simply saying that,
if you’re looking for some relief from constantly tormenting yourself
about the size of your body,
Expecting it to be the size that it is
May offer you some of that blessed relief.

Posted in lose weight | Tagged ,

This one thing will eliminate your desire to binge

IMG-20111104-00084I coached a mom last week.
She told me she binges when she’s doing something for her children.
Especially when it’s unplanned or unexpected.
Like when they forget their lunch and she drives it to them, eating cookies all the way.
Or when they tell her they need help with a project that’s due tomorrow, and she sits at the table with her child, and a plate full of nachos.

I was curious about the thinking that led to her bingeing.
We discovered that she was thinking “I shouldn’t have to do this”.
Notice her language – have to do it.
Take a moment here – what emotion comes up for you when you think that you have to do something?
For me, instant rebelliousness.
Irritation.
Problem is, when emotional eaters feel irritated or rebellious, we often turn to a bag of chips especially if we don’t want to express our irritation or rebelliousness.

I have another option for you.
You don’t have to express it and you don’t have to eat it.
You can eliminate it.
Here’s how: Stop pretending that you have to do it (whatever your it may be).

In my client’s case, she doesn’t have to take her kids’ lunch when they forget it if she doesn’t want to.
She doesn’t even have to make her kids lunch if she doesn’t want to.
She was quite shocked when I told her this.
She had so many reasons why she has to do it.
“They’ll have nothing to eat, and they’ll be hungry, and they won’t be able to concentrate, and the teachers will think badly of me”.

I agreed with her that all of these were possible outcomes.
And still, she could choose not to do it.
I suggested to her that maybe she’s doing it because she wants to?
She considered this for a second.
And totally agreed with me.

She told me that she always wished for a mother who would bring her lunch, and help her with her projects, and that she saw this as a way of expressing her love for her children. She wants them to be well fed.
She wants them to know that she’s here to help with homework.
She wants to express her love for them in these ways.

I asked her how that felt.
She softened completely.
I asked her how likely she’d be to binge when she was thinking about loving her children. It seemed like a faraway, unnecessary option.

So this is your third possibility: Tell yourself the truth.
You absolutely don’t have to do anything.
Yes, there will be consequences if you don’t – you may lose your job, or your kids may go hungry.
But there are consequences either way, right?
And when you find the reason you are choosing to do it
(either because you want to do it, or because you want the result it will bring you),
then you’re probably going to feel more neutral about it,
and bingeing is far less likely when you’re feeling neutral than when you’re feeling rebellious or irritated.

I was thinking about this yesterday, on my way to school with forgotten gloves and hats.
I smiled when I got the call, and felt happy as I got in the car.
Truth.
Here’s what I’m thinking:
“I love talking to my (ten year old) baby unexpectedly in the middle of the day”
“I’m so grateful for a life where I can do this (often!!)”
“I love squeezing my babies in the middle of the day”
“I love love love visiting the sacred space that is my kids school”

I know I don’t have to do it.
And they know that if I’m fully booked, I can’t.
And I also know that it may not be the best thing for them to keep doing it.
And above all this I know –
that I’m doing it because I really want to do it and that thought fills me up completely.
No space left for unwanted food here.

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