You know how it goes – you go shopping and you’re surprised that you’re a size 16
Even though you’ve been a size 16 for the past year.
Or you pass a mirror and you’re shocked at the bulge around your stomach
Even though it’s been there for the past 3 years.
Each time you expect to be smaller than you are,
Even though you know that you’re not,
You experience some level of distress when confronted with your real size.
This doesn’t feel good.
And it’s not helpful to your desire to lose weight.
Because when you don’t feel good
You’re more likely to (over)eat mindlessly,
Thereby adding an extra bulge or even bigger size.
Here’s a non-weight related example:
I recently renovated my master bathroom.
It’s really stunning, and includes everything I wanted:
mold-free walls, freestanding bathtub big enough for two, wall sconce for bubble-bathtime reading (yummmmmm), plank tiles, and river-rock for the shower floor.
Problem is, our contractor decided that he would tile the floors himself
And I agreed to this, even though his quote included a professional tiler.
In case you’re wondering – not a good idea.
My beautiful long Italian plank tiles are completely uneven.
You can actually see where one tile is noticeably higher than the one next to it.
You can imagine what this feels like when you walk barefoot.
Uneven. Quite uneven.
So, for the past month, all I see when I walk into my bathroom is the uneven floor.
I try to lift my eyes and see all the beauty – exactly what I dreamed of for ten years.
This bathroom was a gift from my mother, who I lost nine months ago,
So I’m not taking my discontent lightly.
I want to find grace here, so I can find my mother’s spirit in this room.
This means I need find serenity for myself.
Which won’t happen when I expect my floor to be even
And then discover, every morning, that it isn’t.
I was showering this morning
And thinking how much I love my river rock floor,
And how the rocks remind me of nature.
And I found it.
My shower floor is totally uneven!
Chosen specifically for it’s organic variations.
It feels a bit like a foot massage.
And I love it!
So here’s what I learned in the shower this morning:
I expect my shower floor to be uneven
So I experience no distress when it is.
I expect my bathroom floor to be uneven
So I’m disgruntled every time it isn’t.
All I need to do is expect my floor to be uneven
And when I find that it is,
I will feel neutral.
I’m hoping that I’ll look up from the floor to find the serenity that I intended
And my mother’s spirit shining with me.
I’m not saying I want it to be uneven,
And I’m not saying you want to be a size 16, or bulgy.
I’m simply saying that,
if you’re looking for some relief from constantly tormenting yourself
about the size of your body,
Expecting it to be the size that it is
May offer you some of that blessed relief.