Sue wrote to me after reading my latka blog:
“Terrific blog Bev and I know exactly what you mean.
I was always starting a diet on Monday so Sunday was that last chance for me to eat that piece of cake or cookie or whatever.
Then one time I was pregnant. I didn’t have to be ashamed of my size and I could eat whatever I wanted.
There was one piece of cake left after a party. Normally I would have eaten it because tomorrow I was starting that diet.
But I was pregnant so I wasn’t going to start that diet tomorrow. I didn’t want the cake, I didn’t feel like eating the cake so I didn’t eat the cake.
I could eat it tomorrow if I wanted to or the day after or whatever. It was an amazing feeling (my bold). Unfortunately, I found it hard to find that feeling when I wasn’t pregnant and shame and tomorrow made me starve and binge. I’m much better now – but still – it’s hard not to eat those latkas.
Your story reminded me so much of that time so long ago that I remember so well. Thanks for sharing it.”
When Sue believed she should be smaller,
She felt ashamed.
So she punished herself by dieting,
And of course she binged in preparation.
So it was shame that caused her to binge every Sunday,
Not her size.
Sue thought being pregnant let her off being ashamed of her size.
She never had to be ashamed of her size.
She only thought she had to be.
If shame started the horrendous cycle,
And you want relief from bingeing and dieting,
The shaming and blaming must stop first.
Before you lose weight.
We all know what happens to weight we lose by dieting because we’re ashamed of ourselves.
How many times have you gained it back during those Sunday binges?
Countless studies confirm you’re not alone.
The only time Sue didn’t eat emotionally was when she accepted her size.
It follows, then, that in order to conquer her emotional eating
she needs to accept her size .
And the next day.
It’s the only way to leave that piece of cake on the platter without any struggle.
Do that every day, and you can lose weight without dieting or bingeing.
It’s what I did and it’s what my clients are learning to do.
It’s not easy.
But it’s a lot easier than the constant binge-diet-shame cycle.
Here’s what it takes:
a willingness to be wrong
a willingness to think differently
a willingness to connect with your body
Give yourself these three gifts:
- Find evidence – one larger-than-skinny woman who’s comfortable in her body (Queen Latifah works for me). Tell yourself “if she can do it maybe I can do it”.
- Listen to yourself – notice how your self-abusive thoughts make you feel ashamed. Question each one. Find a way that it’s not true. (For example “I have no self control” is so definite and huge. Maybe you have savings, maybe you’re punctual? Sounds like self control to me.)
- Let your body talk to you. Every morning and night, breathe three deep breaths. Scan your body. Notice what you’re feeling. Be soft and open.
P.S. Want some help?
I have one space left for individual coaching in January, starting next week.
P.P.S. On my way to Tennessee for a week-long retreat – no contact with the outside world!! Soul-opening is how it’s been described – I’m ready! So I won’t answer any emails until Jan 13, when I would love to be of service.